Emotionally Unstable
by Darkness Lurks Unseen
Summary: Pavel is feeling guilty about killing Spock's mother. He turns to cutting himself. Things turn ugly when his first away mission goes awry. Hikaru/Pavel. If you don't like SLASH don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is about Chekov's thoughts after losing Spock's mother. It is depressing. It is angsty. Ye Be Warned. Slight Pavel/Hikaru. This will be a full story. Please R&R.**

I lost her. I lost her. Every time I thought that I slashed my wrist with the razor.

I am an idiot. I am a fucking idiot.

Why him? Why his mother of all people the calm cool and collected Vulcan that shows no emotion just showed how much I fucked this up.

A stinging tear rolled sown my cheek. I could have saved her. I should have been fast enough.

Blood dripped down my arm. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't. I know it is wrong but I don't care. If he won't punish me than I will just have to punish myself.

"Pasha," Hikaru's voice called my nickname. I slashed again not wanting to be endeared or babied. I had fucked up. I needed to do something about it.

"Pavel," Hikaru called again. I slashed again, my sight blurred. Hikaru knocked on the door. Tears rolled down my face.

The knocking became more frantic.

"Pavel open up this instant. I mean it. I will get Scotty to break this door down," Hikaru's attempt to get the door open failed. I heard the comm signaling him calling Scotty.

"I'll open the door 'Karu," I called out my voice rasping. I sounded weak. I was weak.

I unlocked the door hoping that it wasn't the wrong decision. I slashed again as 'Karu walked in. His eyes widened in shock when he saw the bloody razor in my hand. 'Karu kneeled to the ground.

"Pavel stop," He whispered and pried the razor out of my hand. He put it on the sink and held me close to him soothing my sobs. My body shook.

"I-I I killed her," I sobbed. "I killed his mother. Why his 'Karu? Why am I so stupid?" I looked at him with question in my eyes.

"You're not stupid," he told me. I buried my head in his chest and sobbed harder.

"Sulu to sick bay," he said hitting his comm badge.

"Go ahead," McCoy's voice came.

"Get to Ensign Chekov's and my room right away. He needs emergency medical care," He said to McCoy.

"'Karu I'm fine I just-"

"No you're absolutely NOT fine Pavel," Hikaru yelled. He kissed my forehead gently.

"Don't ever do this to me again pasha. Please," His voice was strained as he tried not to cry. "Don't hurt yourself. When you do you hurt me."

"Where is he? Sulu!" McCoy's voice came through the door.

"He's in here doctor," Hikaru's voice was strained and it sounded like he was crying. I tried to open my mouth to comfort him but no words came out.

"Good god man! What happened?" McCoy shouted as he walked into the bathroom covered in my blood.

"He's emotionally unstable doctor," 'Karu's voice broke. I had had enough of this emotionally unstable shit.

"I am not emotionally unstable! I'm perfectly fine! I am just an idiot!" I cried out shoving Hikaru away. I began to sob uncontrollably.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted curling into a ball in the corner of the room.

"Nurse Chapel! Get me a sedative right now! This kid needs emergency attention!" McCoy shouted at the nurse.

I laughed humorlessly.

"I am not emotionally unstable. **Я сударыняневолнениенестабильный,"** I felt 'Karu's hand on my shoulder. I weakly tried to push him away. I felt a sting in my neck.

"You're going to sleep now Pasha. It'll be okay," 'Karu's voice was the last thing I heard before I plunged into utter darkness.

**Я сударыняневолнениенестабильный- I'm not emotionally unstable**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Ok Ok. Kill me. I know that I haven't updated in like forever. Looks at dust on story. Hehe. Oops.**

**On with the story.**

**Pavel POV**

My eyes shoot open and I see Dr. McCoy's face looking down at me.

I try to remember where I am. Everything comes back to me in a whirlwind of emotions, sounds, and people.

I killed her.

I lost her.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I sit up and shake my head.

"Kid, calm down. You need to rest. You lost a lot of…. Hey! Wait! I haven't cleared you to leave yet! Nurse Chapel!"

I am up and running to the door in a flash almost there. Almost there….

A strong arm wraps itself around my waist. I cry out.

"LET ME GO!"

"Your actions are illogical. Cease this foolish struggling and return to your biobed ensign."

That voice.

Spock.

I struggle harder and can feel bruises beginning to form on my waist from where Commander Spock has me.

"**Nyet! Nyet**!"

I hear a voice coming from the other side of the room.

"Doc please! I need to see him!"

"The answer is no again lieutenant. He is in no condition to see anyone right now."

"But…."

"No."

Hikaru.

"HIKARU! HELP!"

"Reprimand me later doc but screw you." I hear struggling and a loud crash.

"I have him commander."

Another pair of arms wrap around me as Commander Spock's arms release me.

Hikaru.

I breathe in his scent.

Hikaru.

I begin to cry.

"Hikaru." I whisper. "'Karu."

"Shhh. I've got you. I'm right here. Shhh."

My eyes shut and I am lulled into a deep sleep as tears drip slowly down my face.

**Hikaru POV**

I hold my Pasha as sobs wrack his body. They slow and he falls into a deep sleep. I nearly cry when I see his face. Tears fall down it even as he sleeps.

I place one arm under his shoulders and the other under his knees and carry him back to his biobed.

Setting him down on the bed was hard as I didn't want to leave him here. Alone.

Dr. McCoy stalks up muttering something about "disrespectful kids" and "I'll show him a 'screw you'"

I laugh in spite of myself. He really is something else.

"Get out." is all he has to say to me.

"Fine. You have to admit though. I did do a better job than you or Spock ever could have done."

"Shut up and leave kid."

And that I did with a sad smile on my face.

**Nyet-No**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: OK here be another chappie. Dreams are in italics.**

**Spock POV**

I walk in an illogical daze back to my quarters. My mind swarms with thoughts of what I had been told by Doctor McCoy.

Ensign Chekov felt…anger with himself. Anger at losing my mother. It had not been his fault…and yet he felt an irrevocable anger that he chose to show in a self destructing way.

I could not understand this…and yet in a strange and almost masochistic way-

I could.

I had felt that anger. For not taking more precautions I felt that I had, in some unreasonable and illogical way, caused my mother's death.

I am half Vulcan. So I can control that anger. Ensign Chekov, on the other hand, cannot.

He also felt guilt. I cannot reciprocate those feelings because I have nothing to be guilty of. Neither does he. Humans are an illogical race of beings, although I somehow understand their actions. They do not wish to control emotions and I have felt at times that I do not wish that either.

My mind races and I look forward to meditation.

It will clear my mind.

**Hikaru POV**

I groan and open my eyes. Looking around I realize that I fell asleep in med bay.

That's just wonderful.

I pick up my head and look down at the bed the it was resting on.

My Pasha lies there. Undisturbed, and ignorant the world. I envy him.

Dr. McCoy insisted on keeping him on a constant I.V. Drip.

I thought those had gone extinct. Guess not.

I look at my watch.

Shit! 15:00! already! I am sooooo late and soooo dead.

I shoot up from the chair and run through sick bay dodging numerous nurses and eventually Dr. McCoy.

"Slow down or you'll wind up slipping and cracking your head open. Then I'll have to fix you too." He grumbles. I ignore the comment.

Today is not going to be a very good day.

**Narrator POV(Pavel's Dreams)**

_A thirteen year old Pavel sits at a desk with his head down a deep frown of concentration on his brow._

_A young girl , maybe five or six, walks up to him and pokes him._

"_What is it now Natasha?" He asks looking up from his work._

"_W__ill you play with me and Dimitri?"_

"_GAHHH! You know mother doesn't want you to play with that boy. His family is very dangerous. You know this." He says. "Go away. I have studying to do. Play with Alina or Tanya."_

_He turns back to his work. Dangerous_

"_YOU'RE A MEANIE!" Natasha shouts, and runs from the room._

"_Aye that I am. You will ask me to play again in about twenty minutes." he mumbles to himself._

_**One Hour Later**_

"_Pavel!" A woman cries from downstairs._

"_Yes Mother?" He calls back to her._

"_Do you have your sister with you?" _

"_No mother," he is confused and a bit worried. Natasha's curfew is at 5:00pm. The clock reads 8:00pm._

"_I told you to look after her Pavel! None of her friends have seen her today!" She shouts. "I'm calling the police. Come down here this minute Pavel!_

"_Yes mother," He shouts back._

_Pavel sighs and stands from his desk stretching his aching limbs._

_Where could she have gone? He thought._

_**Two Days Later**_

_The doorbell rings and everyone shoots up to get it. _

"_I'll get it," Pavel's mother says._

_The rest of the family sit down and hope that it is the police with news of Natasha._

"_May I come in ma'am.?"_

"_Of course sir. Pavel! Get this man a seat!"_

"_Yes mother," Pavel calls and stands up to get a seat for the man. Everyone is on the edge of their seats. It is a police officer._

_Once Pavel has the seat and everyone is seated the man begins._

"_As you know we began searching the woods late last night. At first we did a sweep of the area and found nothing. We then searched the more dense part of the woods again. We found you're daughter. She...She was murdered."_

_The family sat in silence for a moment or two. Pavel's mother then began to cry._

_The family was talking in low voices. Most were crying. Pavel was not._

"_NO! She is not dead!" Pavel shouted and ran out of the house. "Natasha! NATASHA!" The police officer ran out after him._

_He feels strong arms wrap around his waist._

"_Calm down. She's gone son. She's gone." The police officer says._

" _Nyet! NYET! She's not dead!." Pavel cries flinging his arms about him and attempting to free himself from the grasp of the man that holds him captive._

"_She's gone."_

"_NO!"_

_The man lets go and Pavel drops to his knees. Tears stream slowly down his face as he realizes that his sister is gone._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Huge thanks to my beta, Lyricoloratura, without whom this fic would probably have been abandoned by now.**

**I have decided to have a bit of a crossover with TNG.**

**Enter a young Lwaxana Troi!**

**Disclaimer: Do I own anything this huge? No. Do I want to? Very much so.**

**On with the Fan fiction**

**Pavel's POV**

I groan and look around me, seeing bright lights and a very anxious Dr. McCoy.

"Jesus, kid! Give me a goddamn heart attack! I do not understand how in the whole wide and destructive universe you can actually have a nightmare under a very heavy sedative. You are a train wreck! You hear me? A massive train wreck! First you slice yourself to shreds for God only knows what reason. Then you give me a heart attack because the goddamn heart monitor goes off the charts! Why do you have to be so terribly fragile?"

"I. Am. Not. Fragile." I stress every word in my attempt to get the point across.

"Whatever, kid. Oh – we stopped at the nearest star base to get a counselor for you and lucky me, I got Lwaxana Troi. Why do I always get the nut cases? Jim's already tried to bed her and now she's trying to seduce Spock! What kind of counselor is that?"

After this I just tune out his rant. I am not in the mood right now.

I look around sick bay and see a young woman, possibly just out of Star Fleet, with dark brown hair and very black eyes attempting a seduction of a very stressed looking Spock.

"Please, Counselor, I do not understand the way Captain Kirk had attempted to seduce me nor do I understand your attempts. Please cease your actions." I nearly laugh at Spock's attempt to stop the woman, who I now know is Counselor Troi, from angering his girlfriend.

"Are you listening to me? Kid!" I turn back to Dr. McCoy, who is a bit red in the face from a long rant, looking at me with annoyance in his eyes.

"Huh?"

_Oh very intelligent Pav. You have just become the youngest person ever to graduate Star Fleet and you come up with the answer of Huh? What is wrong with you?_

"Uhggg. All righty then. I'll spell it out for you in nice and easy letters. I am putting you on a new drug that is supposed to be just incredibly effective for depression. I've been trying to test it out on Spock, but he keeps insisting that Vulcans have no emotion. Uh huh. Tell that one to Jim. So anyway – I am putting you on a drug that should bring you out of this depression you've been in. Hopefully it works." I look at him and nod. I know that I will not remember any of what he said because of my drugged state.

"Good. Here are the pills and off you go. After you see Counselor Troi come back here so I can give you the medication. Now get out of my sick bay."

He turns around and grumbles something about arrogant kids knowing nothing about the gravity of the situation, or something like that.

I slide off of the bio bed and try to slink past the counselor. It doesn't work.

"Hey! Are you Pavel Cheeky? Well, of course you are. Come here." she says with authority.

I groan and trudge over. I just want to get this over with and go back to dealing with problem on my own.

"Counselor, I really don't think it is necessary to make me talk to you. I can deal with what I'm dealing with. And my name is Chekov." I pronounce the last part slowly to make sure that she got it.

"You call slicing yourself to ribbons 'dealing with it,' eh? All righty then. If you want me to report you to Star Fleet and get you kicked out for good than go ahead and leave. Otherwise you will follow me."

She turned on her heel and walked out of sick bay.

I stood there staring after her for a good five minutes before running after her.

"Wait! Counselor Troi! Wait!" I shout running down the hall to the turbo lift where she is standing.

"Ah. Chirpo. Nice to see you made it." I groan. Another person who gets my name wrong.

"Please... just call me Pavel." I sigh.

"All right. Now you may follow me." I nearly have to run to keep up with her.

"Pav!" I here a familiar voice call out to me.

It is Nyota. She runs up and hugs me very very tightly.

"I thought we had lost you." She pulls away from me and hits me over the back of the head.

"Hey!"

"That's for scaring the shit out of me." She laughs at my confused expression.

"Is this your girlfriend?"

I look at Counselor Troi, shocked.

"N-no! Of course not!" I stutter.

"Well you can't be free – so who _are_ you dating?"

"I don't think that is any of your-" I am cut off and nearly knocked over by Hikaru hugging me.

"Pasha don't you ever ever _ever _scare me like again. Got it?"

I groan. _When is everyone going to figure out that I am fine? A little bit angry with myself, and still recovering from a nightmare, but still fine!_

Counselor Troi looks at Hikaru with a sudden interest.

"Are _you _dating him?" 'Karu looks at her with shock and confusion on his face.

"Yeah. Why is this strange woman asking me these questions Pav?" He turns to me.

"She's the counselor." I grumble.

He nods. "Oh. That explains a lot."

"Can we just get this over with?"

Counselor Troi looks at me. Then she looks at Nyota, and 'Karu.

"We are doing this alone. Please leave." She says.

"We're still in the corridor. And isn't your office over there?" Nyota asks pointing towards the door that says counselor. When did that happen?

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask.

"336 hours, 48 minutes and 17seconds." I look at Hikaru.

"So you're telling me that I've been out for two weeks 48 minutes and however many seconds?" _I've been out for that long?_

"Yeah. Dr. McCoy had to sedate you so that your...so that you could heal." He purposely skips over saying that my cuts could heal. I look at him and sigh.

"I'm sorry 'Karu." He looks at me shocked.

"Don't say sorry for that. It's not-" He is cut off by Counselor Troi.

"Sweetie I think that your boyfriend needs some time to recover. Can you leave us be for just a bit? I promise I'll return him for you." She looks at him with adorable eyes. Barf.

"Uh. Sure. Yeah. Pav as soon as you're done you're coming straight back to our quarters. Got it?" He looks at me and I sigh.

"Okay 'Karu." I look at Counselor Troi. "Let's get this over with."

"Great!"

She turns on her heel and walks towards the her office.

"We don't have time for the grass to grow. Come along." She says.

I follow.

When we get to her office I look around. It looks...well...plain for her insane personality.

"Sit. Don't ask why I haven't decorated. Star Fleet regulations this and rules that. Pfft." She snorts.

I sit in a somewhat comfy chair.

"What was the nightmare about?"

_She really just had to ask. I am in deep shit now._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I am sooooooooooooo sorry for not updating sooner. I have had at least 4 pages of math homework on weekdays and nearly 6 on the weekends. Dumb math teacher.

I have taken out Pav's accent since people have complained about not understanding it. I will fix the previous chapters later.

Anyways on with the story. Thanks again Lyricoloratura! Yay! I spelled it right without looking!

On we go!

I look around at the walls of Counselor Troi's office again and sigh. I look up at her and sigh again.

"We really have to go through with this don't we?" I ask and at the look on her face I sigh again. "I guess that means yes then?"

She nods.

"Go ahead when you're ready, Pavel," she says.

I begin the tale of my sister's death from the beginning.

"…and when he said to us 'she's dead' time just sort of…stopped. I heard my mother and grandmother crying…but only at a distance. I heard my father comforting them. All I knew at that point…is that I had failed to keep my sister safe. To do my job in protecting her, as her big brother and as her friend."

"Wow. Okay then. It seems that you've been keeping a lot to yourself. Do you feel like you're drowning at times, that you…you need someone's shoulder to cry on?"

I look at her and nod sadly. I know I do. I just…don't like to let it show.

She looks at me and smiles.

"Well…let's see if we can get you fixed up. Shall we?" She laughs and gives me a PADD. The title on it says "How to cope with the loss of a loved one". I sigh and look up at her. She nods as if nodding to a dog that wants the treat on the floor but is afraid to pick it up.

"Thanks," I say sarcastically. "This is going to help a lot."

"Just take it ya ingrate," she smiles and shoos me with her hands.

"Shoo! I have work to do. Check back with me in about a week. Go back to McCoy and get the meds he wants you to get," she looks at me with a sad look in her eyes. I sigh. Why does everyone have to think I need their sympathy? _I DON'T._

I stand and look at the digital clock on the desk. How quaint.

I stiffen. It's almost 1800 hours! I've been here for a few hours!

"Thanks Counselor Troi!" I shout and run from the room knowing that 'Karu will be worried.

I shoot into sick bay and see Dr. McCoy with a security team.

"There he is!" I see the Captain shout and point at me.

I groan and slap my forehead with my hand. I never would have expected that they would get _that _worried about me. I mean seriously an entire security team? It seems the one person I forgot to tell of my meeting with Counselor Troi is the only one who doesn't listen to what people tell him and the one who has the authority to send and entire security team after me.

"God Dammit kid! What the hell where you thinking? Give me _another _heart attack! You're almost as bad as Jim! I might just have to get you a set bio bed as well!" Dr. McCoy grumbled more about how irresponsible I am and blah. Captain Kirk looked like he was going to burst out laughing at any moment.

"I am fine. See? Look at me. Fine. F-i-n-e," I spell out the word slowly.

Captain Kirk ends up cracking up and falling on his ass in front of the entire crew. We all laugh and after a good few minutes Dr. McCoy comes up to me with the pill bottle…wait when did Star Fleet start having pills again?

"Don't overdose. Don't not take it. Don't kill yourself with the shards of the bottle. You know, all that stuff that I have to tell you with antidepressants," He says in his sardonic way.

I turn on my heel and leave sick bay. I stretch my hands over my head and get ready for a long night with 'Karu.

I pace the floor of the room anxiously as I wait for my Pasha. He should be back by now. He should be here in this room right now.

I pace even faster as I glance between my watch and at the door repeatedly, waiting for him to get home.

I hear the swooshing of the door and my head shoots up. It's a very tired and disgruntled-looking Pavel.

"Pasha," I breathe and wrap my arms around him pulling him into a deep kiss.

He sighs against my lips and smiles pulling away. I whine at the loss of contact.

"NO. I am TIRED. Maybe tomorrow," he says and rubs the back of his neck.

"Fine," I grumble.

"Goodnight 'Karu," he whispers as he slips into the bathroom.

I groan and fall back against the bed. I wonder when I will get my Pasha back.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys! I'm really really sorry to have to tell you this, but Emotionally Unstable is going on hold right now for numerous reasons.

I'm working on writing a novel, and it's been going really well so far, so I'm going to keep up with that right now.

School has me working on numerous essays and (blegh!) starts in early august (why must they torture us?)

I have dance to keep up with.

Plus yearbook camp.

Plus riding camp.

So ya. I'm basically swamped all summer and throughout next school year.

I just wanted to let you know that this story will not die! I promise. It's still one of the top things on my to do list, and yet it's not working so well right now.

Thanks for still reading those of you who are.

Bye for now,

DLU


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay big apology here guys! It's been over a year since I edited this and there's no excuse. I've just been so busy with school. Then my beta disappeared off the face of the Earth. If any of you have contact in real life with Lyri, please I beg of you make sure she's not dead. I worry. I have no beta right now, so if anyone wants to beta please message me ASAP. Sorry if this sucks! Love you guys so much!**

I awake to the feeling of breath on my neck and arms and legs pinning me down.

I groan and turn my head to see if 'Karu is awake yet.

Nope.

Ewww. Dry drool is plastered on his chin. Cute and somewhat adorable, but still. Ewww!

"'Karu," I whisper. "'Karu wake up." He rolls over, successfully rolling me underneath him in the process.

"Oomph!" I groan as 'Karu's full weight is placed on top of me. He may not look all that heavy, but trust me; he's dead weight, especially when he's asleep. Or…well I'm just not gonna finish that sentence seeing as I REALLY don't want a hard on right now.

'Karu sighs and snuggles his face into the back of my neck. His breath is hot and not really uncomfortable, but sort of. It wets my hair, plastering it to my neck.

I tactfully arrange my arms within his grasp. One arm is placed underneath me and the other with my palm and wrist on the bed. My elbow is in a position that allows it to be propelled upwards with force.

I shove my elbow upward and push my body up with the arm that's underneath me, effectively shoving 'Karu off of me. Sadly, he rolled farther than I thought he would and hit the bedside table with his head, and collapses on the floor.

"Mother Fuck! What the hell was that? Kill the fucking Klingon bastards," He shouts very loudly at nothing in particular as he shoots up to a sitting position.

I can't help but laugh at this. No matter how hard I try to suppress it my laughter bubbles up into my throat and escapes my mouth in hysterical gasps.

"Wassofunny?" 'Karu slurs the sentence together in his haze.

"You…you just...fell out of bed screaming at supposed 'Klingon bastards'!" I say (snort at times) between gasps of laughter.

"So? You do all the time. You just don't wake up," he says indignantly.

I sit up and look down at him. His face has the look of a puppy that you have a treat just far enough away that it can't reach it.

Again I try not to laugh, and fail miserably. I clutch at my sides as they shake with laughter.

'Karu falls backwards with a very loud and pronounced _thunk. _

"Mmff," he groans. "Need coffee."

"Must we act like a caveman to ask for it?" again I'm suppressing laughter with all my might. Not working too well.

"Gaahhh!" 'Karu shoots up again, this time hitting his head on the bedside table. Again.

"Let me get your coffee, so you don't hurt yourself anymore that necessary," I snort at the indignant look that he gives me. I head over to the replicator that I managed to win off a very drunken Scotty in a game of poker. I am _very _good at poker, especially Texas Hold 'em, and when I'm with 'Karu Strip Poker, but again, don't want a hard on this early. It never turns out well.

Once the steaming hot coffee is in my hands I turn around and see that 'Karu is sitting on the bed rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

I put the coffee on the bedside table and look down at my arms. Red lines crisscross them, as a painful reminder of the past month or so. I stalk over to the closet and find a long sleeve uniform top to put on.

I yank it over my head and try to pull the sleeves over my hands completely. Yeah. Not happening.

I pull out some black slacks and Starfleet issue shoes. I put on the pants and place the shoes by the door.

Looking back, I see 'Karu is sitting on the bed, still in his boxers, with the coffee mug in his hands sighing contentedly, occasionally smelling the steam.

I groan and plop on the bed beside him.

'Karu turns to look at me and smiles a sweet and careless smile that makes my heart melt. I smile back and lean into a kiss.

'Karu sighs and runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I sigh, part my lips, and let his tongue roam my mouth, studying it as though he hasn't kissed me in years. He runs his tongue along my teeth, the insides of my cheeks, and finally wraps it around my own. His hands travel to the hem of my shirt. I groan, and half-heartedly attempt to pull his hands from me.

"We do have work 'Karu. In about five minutes."

He growls and pulls away from me, causing a low whine to vibrate at the back of my throat.

"Fine," he mutters. Under his breath I hear a few choice words.

"Stupid work, damn cockblock that Starfleet regulations are. Stupid Jim and his stupid rules even though he fucks every sentient thing that he comes across," are a few of them.

I pull myself from the bed, and drag my feet to the bathroom. I think I'm beginning hate regulations just as much as he is.

On the lift to the bridge, I look at the three other people inside of it with me.

Nyota, Captain Kirk, and 'Karu are here with me. The Captain is annoying Nyota by asking her random questions with either no meaning or her relationship with Commander Spock.

I quickly wrench my mind from the subject as it brings back haunting memories. I tune into the conversation that Kirk is having with Nyota.

"…so you _can't _tell the difference between an anti-matter containment field and a molecular reversion field?"

Nyota glares at him and replies icily "No _Captain _I can't. I'll bet that _you _can't even _speak _Romulan let alone decipher it from the Vulcan language. Plus you _cannot_ tell the difference between the three dialects of Romulan let alone the six dialects of Vulcan. If I remember correctly, you flunked. Twice."

Burn.

The Captain was immediately silenced by this and turned away from Nyota to sulk in a corner of the lift. I tried so hard not to laugh. Why is it that I can't seem to hold my laughter in?

Soon the entire lift was laughing. Even Captain Kirk couldn't help but to laugh at his own failure.

Once we got onto the bridge, everyone was _still _giggling. Commander Spock raised an eyebrow at us and turned back to his work at the science station.

This made everyone but I laugh even harder. _I _slink to my station and attempted to avoid eye contact with anyone on the bridge.

'Karu and Nyota noticed my change in attitude and look at me curiously. I shake my head, and attempt to slide lower in my seat. Not working.

Once everyone is settled, the Captain gives us one of his "captainly" speeches.

"Well then, what trouble can we get into today?" He laughs. "What will make Bones have to give me my own bed in sickbay? What will make Spock have to save my ass from some freaky alien that wants to eat me again? What-"

"We get it _Captain_," Nyota cuts in. "We get that you always manage to get yourself nearly killed only to live and make _our_ lives even more miserable."

"Thank you very much Nyota," he smirks at his knowledge of her name and continues. "Star Fleet has ordered us to perform a first contact mission, blah blah blah. They seem to be a peaceful people and we would like them to become a part of the Federation. You know the drill. I'll be sending Mister Spock and Ensign Chekov to the surface to conduct the beginning talks and what not. I think you can handle it," I turn red to the tips of my hair and sink low into my seat. This was not what I had in mind for my first away mission. I was thinking something more, well, exciting. At least I'm actually going. The fact that I'm going with Commander Spock just makes it worse. I've never been good with politics. Last time I tried to talk politics, I was about fifteen, and had no clue what was going on. I don't pay any attention to that kind of stuff. Doesn't interest me, and never has.

"MISTER CHEKOV!" I start and fall out of my seat. Looking up, I see that the Captain, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Shit. I spaced didn't I? I hate spacing! Guess my mother was right. I do need to pay more attention, genius or not.

"Hello? Chekov? Woo Hoo, Earth to Ensign Chekov, come in Chekov," Captain Kirk laughs at his supposed comic genius. I turn red to the tips of my hair.

"Yes, Captain," I mumble. Today is just not my day is it?

"I said, at least twice, do you think you can handle this mission? Obviously not if you keep spacing out like that." He grins at his own apparent joke. I can hear the rest of the bridge tittering like fools. I do realize the situation is funny to them, but it's really not funny. To be perfectly honest, my ass now hurts. I groan and throw my head back, effectively hitting it against the console.

Shit that hurts!

I hate when that happens! I've done it at least a million times and still I can't seem to learn. I hit my head on everything. Honestly, I think I'm worse than the Captain with getting hurt. I think Dr. McCoy's threat to give me my own bed in sick bay is going to come true soon. I just hope he doesn't keep me there.

"Chekov, would you like to get some rest, or are you going to stop spacing out, and get back into your seat?" I hear the Captain. I blush.

"Sorry Sir," I mumble, and crawl back into my chair rubbing the back of my head. That hurts like a bitch! I sigh and start messing around with my consol.

"Sulu, lay in a course for the Cardassian Star System. We're on our way to the third planet, Cardassia Prime. At warp 7 we should get there in about a day. They just achieved warp speed, and we want to be the first to get to them." A long sigh escapes his mouth. "Spock, Chekov, there are customs that you must learn about the Cardassians before you go down there. I've got a few padds for you to read, and you should probably get started. Lt. Connor, relieve Ensign Chekov. Lt. Commander Miller, relieve Commander Spock."

The other crewmembers relieved Commander Spock and I. I sighed and stood, walking towards the Captain's chair.

"Chekov, you will go with the scientists. These are the latest scientific discoveries on their planet. You are to listen to them, ask questions, and say nothing of our important features on this ship. You can tell them of replicators, sonic showers, etc. You may not tell them of the transporter abilities, warp core, yadda yadda. Nothing of our latest discoveries, and all of that nonsense you know the drill. Be careful with this mission Ensign. It's a big responsibility and we need you to be ready for it." I wonder why Captain Kirk isn't doing this with the entire senior staff in the briefing room. Oh well, I guess it's just one of his many oddities.

He hands me the padds (7 padds!? How does he expect me to read all of this?) and turns to brief Commander Spock. Once done, he gives us permission to leave the bridge. We head to our respective quarters in slightly awkward silence.

Once in my quarters, I fall on the bed, roll over, and smell 'Karu's scent. It's calming. I'm actually getting a bit excited. I would like to see the different things these…Cardassians was it, have come up with. I wonder how they will react to an "alien race". I laugh a bit, and lay back to read what is going on with these people in their scientific world.

As I read, my mind begins to wander to the fact that I will be on this mission with Commander Spock. I really am not looking forward to that. It really won't be so bad…I think. I hope more so that this will go smoothly and we won't be how should I put it, killed? Mauled, tortured, and raped, all of the above that could happen in a first contact situation.

I shake my head. I need to get back to these padds. I fall back into a reclining position on the bed. I hum, and pick up where I left off in the text.

Hours later, I hear the door swish open. I'm on the fourth padd by now, and could probably take a break.

Looking up, I see 'Karu trudge in. He must have had a hard day. Who knows what shit Lt. Connors gave him. Homophobic bastard. Captain Kirk doesn't know of course. He keeps it well concealed. So well in fact, it seems that no one else notices it.

'Karu kicks his boots off, drags his feet to the bed, and plops down beside me. Shoving the padds off the bed, he wraps and arm around my waist, and pulls me tight to his chest.

"You have no fucking idea how bad it's been without you. The first day you get back, and I have to deal with that bastard Connors. Asshole keeps looking at me funny. He only wishes he could tap this," I chuckle. 'Karu has the oddest ways of dealing with assholes like Connors.

I roll over and kiss him, silencing any more of his consistent blathering.

Before it can get anywhere - _PING!_

"Jesus Fucking Christ! Can't these people leave us the hell alone?" 'Karu groans.

As soon as we pull away from each other, and straighten our uniforms, I call for whoever is bugging us to come in.

I look up to see who it was, and my jaw nearly drops. Of course. It just had to be him. HAS HE EVER EVEN BEEN LAID?!

Spock's ears are green and his eye cast downwards. He obviously has never been laid by a guy that's for sure.

"I wish to speak with Ensign Chekov about our mission. It seems you are…busy, so I will come back later." He turns to leave, and I turn red to the tips of my hair. Again. I hate blushing!

"No, don't worry, I need to get something to eat anyways," 'Karu states, even though he is obviously having a hard time with it.

"Yes, I think I need some food too. We can talk about our mission in the mess, okay?" I state firmly, trying not to squeak. It's not that I'm embarrassed about being with 'Karu, it's just, well, Spock coming in here on us is really _not _a good thing. I mean, well, oh never mind. I don't feel like bringing up memories again. Some things are better left in the past. Except for when Lwaxana badgers me.

"I also require sustenance. I will be in the Dining Hall." He turns on his heel, and just about runs out of the room.

I look at 'Karu and we both burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Tears are forming in my eyes I'm laughing so hard. Poor Mister Spock! We have to tell the Captain to give him a…lesson, on the mechanics of gay sex. This thought just makes me laugh harder, if that's even possible.

Once our laughter subsides, we stand, and make our way towards the door. I wonder what will happen during our, dinner I think it is. I can't even remember what time it is. My stomach rumbles. Yup, it's dinner. I skipped out on lunch today. Joy.

Once on the turbo lift, I begin to really think about the mission at hand. I lean against the wall, and tuck my hands into my pockets. I really hope nothing bad happens. I don't think I could handle hurting the Commander again. I shudder a bit. I don't even want to think about that possibility. We are going to start the First Contact, make it work, and _nothing _will go wrong. It can't, not when so much is at stake. Cardassia is on the edge of Breen space. The Breen just signed a treaty with the Klingon Empire. Or so we are told. No one can trust the Tal Shiar though. No one knows why the Romulans told us this. Or even if the Romulans are even trustworthy enough to believe them.

One way or another, we may have a battle on our hands, to see who can get to them first. Us or the Klingons.

**A/N: Mwahahahaha! Yes, they categorized the Cardassians as peaceful. Obviously no one thought to really look into Cardassian government. Anyways, I really don't why I put the Cardassians in here. I just thought it would be fun, seeing as this **_**is **_**alternate reality. I enjoy toying with what could happen.**

**Well, the plot bunnies overran my house, and made a huge mess as you can see. I didn't have the time to stop and just kept coming up with more. Read, enjoy, and review. NO FLAMES! Constructive criticism only.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Another Chappie! Still no beta. I contacted someone…they have yet to contact me back but I just messaged them. This chapter is going to be really weird to those of you who don't know Cardassians. I've just done a cross-over thingymajiger. Kind of. On with the story.**

**BTW: DO YOU REALLY **_**THINK **_**I OWN STAR TREK? REALLY?**

Gul Selan POV

The ridges on my eyes drew together in a deep frown. At times like these, I hate my job. The Obsidian Order keeps me crushed under their ruthless thumb. They had more control over me than I am comfortable with. Now, I was chosen to do the Alliance talks with these, _creatures _that are sitting in _my_ _home. _The Breen, with their masks, to hide their disgusting faces no doubt, and the Klingons. How I despise these, _things. _No level of contempt could describe how much I hate the Klingons. What with their loud voices, and disgusting mannerisms. Not to mention, the leering they did at my pregnant wife. The ridges on their faces were, without a doubt, the worst excuse for ridges I've ever seen, and their skin. It is the colour of the tasteless Fall Kanar. I hate Fall Kanar.

I am far from being a happy man. These negotiations, if you could even call them that have begun to take a toll on my already frayed nerves. Negotiations consisted of the Breen attempting weakly to bring the topic back to the Alliance, and the Klingons promptly ignoring them in favor of stories of "glorious battle". I've been in battle before. It is not glorious. It is ruthless, cruel, and heart wrenching. To see young men and women slaughtered for some cause or another. Taken away from their families, for nothing.

"…and so I threw my Bat'leth at that slimy Vulcan, and slashed his arm, down to the bone. That disgusting _green _blood they have come pouring out. I could tell that even this was too much for that emotionless fool. They say he's half human. Pah! Who would breed with such worthless scum as _humans? _Anyways, he fell back; pulled out that communication thing they have, and nearly begged for their transporter room to beam him up. Dishonorable coward. His Vulcan resolve was shot to hell, I can tell you that! He probably still lives. Coward. Couldn't bear to join his worthless human mother," they all began laughing at this. I was, disturbed to say the least. They obviously showed no sign of the strict reverence we held of family. They would probably kill their family, if it only meant a "glorious" tale of battle. I was sickened.

"Can we please focus at the task at hand gentlemen?" I interject, tired of their worrisome tales. I had other business to attend.

"Come now Selan! Tell us a story of battle first. Surely in your position you must have some tales to tell us!" One of the Klingons, Qa'tak I believe his name was, goaded me. I sighed, if this were ever to end, I would have to tell a story.

"Fine, once it is over, can we _please _get back to negotiations?" They all nodded and looked eagerly towards me. I'd better make it good, or else they may wish to show me what a real battle was. I shudder to think.

"It was nearly fifteen years ago, I had joined the Obsidian Order spy ranks. It didn't last long, but I do remember one specific time. I had been on a scouting mission, and was badly wounded by a wild Gettle defending her pups. Nothing too serious, but serious enough that I could barely lift my phaser, let alone the sword I kept at my side at all times. I was ambushed, by three rouge Cardassians. They were on neither side of the war at that time, and loved to cause trouble. I tore my sword from its casing and wielded it with my other arm. It was challenging yes, but I slayed them all. Later I would come to realize that I had just slain three of the most wanted criminals on the Obsidian Order's list. I was proud of that day. Of having done my duty to the state, with no qualms of killing," I felt proud of myself from that battle, and only that battle. All of the others, the only thing that I could think when I killed someone, were of their families. I always wondered if I could live with myself afterwards.

They began to clap, and congratulate me on a job well done and what not. It made me sick. One of those men, I later found out, had a two month old daughter, which he had never seen before. Her mother died soon after, and my wife and I took the child in. At the time, she was only three years old. I still have never forgiven myself, for killing her father.

"Now," I said firmly. "What of these negotiations. What do we get in return for helping you with this, plan?"

"Our protection of course! We will protect your planet, and its people to the best of our abilities from any harm that might come to it. We will ship in whatever is needed in the way of supplies. We will stand with you in any wars you might fall into," they laughed, and I sent this information to my assigned Operative. His name is unknown to me. The Central Command would probably die, if they knew I was operating with the Obsidian Order. Gul Marain was less than pleased when he was informed that I would be negotiating these talks. He was quite unhappy that it wasn't him. I was just as displeased.

My daughter, Timar, walks in the room sporting government uniform, and her supplies. Her school is divided up into five sections: Art, Music, Science, Literature, and Government. Each person in her school goes into the section they wish to go into for a career path. When their second year begins, they can no longer switch paths. I look at her and glare at those filthy Klingons.

Timar looks up. Her eyes go wide; she drops her books, and runs from the room. I didn't tell her that we had _guests_.

"Please, excuse me for a moment. My daughter has not been told of the presence of aliens in the universe. I am sure that she is, a bit frightened at the moment," I sigh, and hope this doesn't turn out badly. The door opens, and Timar enters with a sword in hand. I sigh. Her reaction is, trained. Especially for her area of schooling.

"Leave this house! You are unwelcome, and I will not hesitate to kill you," she states firmly and calmly. She will be a part of the Obsidian Order someday. That is for sure.

"Timar put the weapon down. You will go to your room this instant. I will speak with you later," she looks at me with curiosity, but complies.

I turn to apologize, to find the Klingons staring in awe at the door.

"How wrong we were about your species," they state. "It seems you have deceived us."

I look at them curiously. I wonder what they mean.

"What do you mean?" I question.

"Your species seems much more aggressive than we first thought! Has your daughter ever been in battle before? She would be a worthy opponent!" I swell with pride at my daughter. That is what she always wishes to hear.

"No, she is training to go into one of our covert operations departments. She is quite good with a weapon. She will not hesitate," I state, and hope she will one day become the pride of the Order. That is what she, and her friend, hopes. I do not like Enabran Tain, nor do I trust him. Yet, he and my daughter are the best of friends. He will become a fine addition to the Obsidian Order.

"She is worthy of the Klingon!" they shout and create a ruckus. I slip away to see my daughter. They don't seem to notice. I hope they don't do anything…destructive.

"Timar?" I call out once in her room. She likes to hide places so that she can think. I start when I hear a thud by the window. She must have been on the roof. Again.

"Timar, how many times to I have to tell you, don't go…" as I turn around, I see not Timar, but Enabran Tain.

"What're you-"

"She has been taken by the Obsidian Order. If you do not do your job well, she will be punished. Think wisely. The Obsidian Order wishes to take the Klingon's offer. Your job will start as soon as the Federation arrives. Tell the Central Command, and she dies. Do as the Klingons wish, and she will not be harmed," at that, he jumps from the window, and disappears. My breath is caught in my throat. Of course. I knew they wouldn't let a government official do this without ensuring my cooperation. I know that if I fail, my daughter will suffer. This must not happen. I will do my duty to the state, and the Obsidian Order. I will do whatever it takes, to bring my daughter home.

**A/N: Yes, I seriously just did that. You needed to know what was going on with the Cardassians, before I just threw Spock and Chekov in there. Yes, the Klingon bastards were talking about Spock. I just had to put a little depth into the characters, and I love to torment the crew of the Enterprise. It's quite fun. I still feel bad about that one though.**

**Anyways, read, review, and enjoy. **


End file.
